So ...
i wonder why i don't follow through on my intentions
seriously.
i go to chapel..i read stories.. i still remember a story i read a longggg time ago..about offering a smile to those you see...it set off a chain reaction. i've always loved it.
see, when people smile at me and ask how im doing, it feels Good. So why don't I do it back?
I want to... but something stops me.
The other week this random girl started talking to me at the shuttle stop. honestly..my vision sucks so i thought maybe she knew me. her voice was so sincere and genuine, she must know me..no one talks like this...
she was just being nice. why can't i do that?
class the other day.. presentations started on our health psych papers.. you could tell the nervous people from the seasoned. i can't stand the nervous to the point of crying ones. it makes me look away. i dont know why. i feel bad that they are so nervous..maybe looking away will make it easier on them? but maybe showing focus would too. i listen to everything and everyone..sometimes i just don't show it.
this girl gets up to speak...she doesn't say much in class usually, but her cheeks got all red, and i was like. oh no...
then she speaks. her voice isnt rehearsed...its not seasoned either. its genuine. she commanded that room. her tone, her expression...she passed around a magazine on MS ..she gave the website for MS..she gave a really great presentation and i wanted so badly to raise my hand and ask her why she chose this topic and then compliment her... i wanted to..but i didnt.
i then reasoned that maybe that would bring up some emotional things that she'd not be too crazy about expressing to the whole class... so i decided that id catch her at the end. nope.
i saw her at the shuttle stop. nothing. i literally stood next to her..and took pictures of the sky instead of complimenting her. what the healk? anyone could tell that presentation meant the world to her. obviously it is an issue close to her heart. i have good intentions.
i get inspired. but it rarely follows through.
sometimes i tell myself im going to show myself today. im going to smile and show care. im going to get a little honest.
honestly, lately, im doing a lot better but it still bugs me. i do these things once or twice and then veer off the track. if i know something will help someone..or brighten their day..why the healk can't i do it?
